The relationship between grandkids and grandparents is special. They get to have fun, quality time with the children without the pressures of parenting. Aside from enjoying each other's company, there are many benefits for both grandparents and children that come with active grandparenting. Not only does spending more time with grandparents strengthen children's emotional health, for example, but it also supports healthy attachments and relieves feelings of loneliness.
Spending time with the grandkids looks different depending on each family’s circ*mstances. Maybe you live a bit further away, and seeing everyone in person doesn’t happen regularly. Maybe you’re living in a multigenerational household, and you see the kids every day. Regardless of your living situation, building lasting relationships with your grandchildren is worth the effort.
Here are the best strategies and activities for strengthening your bond with your grandchildren, making them feel loved and respected, and forming lifelong memories together.
Show Up for Them
You don’t have to make grand gestures to show your grandchild that they're a priority in your life. Showing up for them could look like being available to take their calls or attending all their sports games or dance rehearsals.
Margie Kertzman, LCSW, a clinical Social Worker with 40 years of experience with Valley Children’s Hospital, says you can even go as far as volunteering at their school if you have the time. “Participating in your grandchildren’s after-school activities is a great way to connect and show your grandchild they are important to you.”
Kids Prefer Going to Grandparents for Advice Rather Than Their Parents
Accept and Respect Boundaries
Having a front-row seat to your kids parenting your grandkids can test your patience. As tempting as it can be to step in with some well-meaning advice now and again, try not to speak up unless advice is specifically requested.
Parenting advice and guidance have probably evolved since you raised your kids, so if your child chooses different rules and expectations for their own children, accept and respect that—and don’t take it personally.
Keep Up to Date with the Latest Safety Guidance
Guidelines and recommendations are constantly changing when it comes to raising kids, including when to give babies water, the proper flotation devices to use in the pool, and how to safely and effectively discipline kids when they are inevitably disrespectful. What might have been true when you were raising your kids might not be true today.
Help maintain consistency by following the rules set by their parents. You should also do research into the latest safety standards—new research shows that when grandparents follow outdated parenting advice, they might be putting their grandchildren at risk.
Communicate Regularly
Even if you live in different parts of the country, you can still have regular, meaningful communication with your grandkids. Whether through phone calls, texting, or even a video chat, there are plenty of ways to keep in touch.If you don't know how to use Zoom or FaceTime, it might be worth learning so that you have more options when it comes to communicating with tech-savvy kids.
Also, note when they mention a big moment coming up—like a sports game, graduation, big test, or first dance—and make it a point to check how it went.
Give the Gift of Your Time
It's tempting to give into all your grandkids' demands for material gifts. But instead of buying them toys, try planning activities you can all do together as a family.
“Giving your grandchild the gift of your time is priceless,” says Kertzman. “The special food grandma made, the walks they took, grandpa taking them for rides on the back of a pick-up truck, camping with grandparents. You cannot replace those moments with any material gift, “ she adds.
Grandmother Cuts Her Grandchild's Hair Without Permission—Talk About Not Respecting Boundaries
Share Family Traditions
Try recreating a family recipe, or going through old family photo albums and scrapbooks, to talk with your grandkids about their family history and heritage.Involving kids in cooking is another way to foster their creativity outside of arts and crafts.
Kertzman also recommends grandparents develop new traditions with their grandchildren, like a once-a-week movie night or sleepover, that they can carry with them as they grow. In addition, forming a tradition like taking your grandchildren to eat at a restaurant or a public park regularly can strengthen emotional ties between family members.
Don't Be Afraid to Play
No matter the age of your grandchildren, free play is almost always going to be a welcome activity. Jennie Lannette Bedsworth, LCSW, a behavioral therapist with a private practice in Missouri, recommends finding a shared interest that you both enjoy. Play can look almost any way you like, and it leaves lots of room for creativity and experimentation.
Here are some ideas for ways you can play with your grandchildren, depending on their age.
- Blow bubbles
- Color or paint
- Go to the playground
- Play catch
- Complete a puzzle
- Play hide and seek
"No matter what you do, likely, your grandchild will look forward to that special time together,” she said. Additionally, research finds that play supports safe, stable, and nurturing relationships children need to thrive.
Keep It Simple
Spending time with your grandkids doesn’t mean you have to plan elaborate or expensive activities. Simply interacting is enough to make the kids feel loved.
Here are some, free, easy activities you can do with your grandkids that don't require a lot of planning:
- Take a walk together
- Plant flowers in the backyard
- Bake a favorite dessert
- Go to story time at the library
- Have a dance party in the living room
- Build a pillow fort
All these activities open the door to bonding and conversation, Kertzman says. These conversations allow your grandchild to feel comfortable and safe talking to you about anything—some kids even prefer to confide in grandparents instead of their parents—and will help them feel like they have a strong support system when they experience stress, sadness, and any other emotional turmoil.
Why Maternal Grandparents Tend to Be Closer to Grandkids Than Paternal
Be Supportive and Listen
There is a right time to share your pearls of wisdom, but you should also be open to the fact that your grandkids might just want someone to listen to their problems, make them feel heard, and give them a supportive hug. Kids who receive affection from their grandmothers in particular might even engage in healthy behaviors, like eating well and exercising. This type of open-hearted relationship might be especially important for queer kids, who need extra support from their families.
"Simply listening and one-on-one attention is something grandparents can provide more than parents who are pulled in multiple directions,” says Bedsworth. “Try to take a neutral, but caring stance if they share frustrations about their parents or other family members,” she adds.
Be Empathetic
It’s been quite a few decades since you’ve been your grandchild’s age. The struggles you experienced growing up are different from what your grandkid is working through, especially now that kids have access to the internet, smartphones, and social media. Sometimes, just listening and being that shoulder to cry on can make all the difference. Other times, they might even ask for advice on handling their predicament.
Key Takeaway
While these ten strategies aren’t the only ways to be a better grandparent, they’re certainly a good place to start. No matter how old your grandchild is or how far away they live, making them feel like an important, valued part of your life strengthens your relationship and creates bonds that will last your whole life.
