Granddaughters' Thong Bikinis Make Waves at Family Gathering - Dear Abby (2024)

I'm embarrassed and I don't want to attend swim parties with the family anymore. I've told my son my feelings, and he said he leaves the dress code up to his wife. Should I just stay away from family swim parties? -- APPALLED IN INDIANA

DEAR APPALLED: Since your son has passed the buck to his wife, explain to her that the bathing attire the "girls" are wearing to the family swim events embarrasses you so much that you are considering no longer attending.

Remember, however, that your granddaughters are both adults, and the decision about what they wear is up to them, not their mother. (If this were Europe, there would be no problem.) I hesitate, however, to advise you to skip these family get-togethers entirely because they are opportunities to bond, and I would hate to see you fall further into the generation gap.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married eight years. Three months ago, I made a terrible mistake. I pushed her. It was the first time I ever put my hands on her in anger. She called the police, and I was arrested. I still have a no-contact order.

I live in my car and cry every day. I just want a chance to apologize, but her family is making sure she stays away. She hasn't filed for divorce. Do you have any advice? -- MAN WITH A BROKEN HEART IN WASHINGTON

DEAR MAN: Yes, I do. Because there is a no-contact order in place, consider asking your doctor or insurance company for a referral to a licensed mental health professional who can help you deal with your anger issue.

That your wife hasn't filed for a divorce is hopeful, but for the two of you to reunite may require the assurance to her and her family that what happened will not be repeated in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked with a guy in some capacity for more than 25 years now. He thinks he's a comedian and plans elaborate schemes to deploy his jokes (or pranks), which fail 100% of the time. Worse, he repeats them in case you didn't hear them.

I find this all annoying, but I don't want to be unkind to him. He's a good person overall, but this is truly taxing. I have stopped fake-laughing and walk away when I can, but it's getting harder and harder to tolerate. What should I do? -- NOT FUNNY IN THE EAST

DEAR NOT FUNNY: The next time this happens, do not react. If you remain stone-faced, it may discourage him. Alternatively, when he repeats a joke, tell him you heard it the first time.

DEAR ABBY: I am single, never married. A male manager at my job is divorced. After a few weeks at the job, I realized we were both single. I have been here for about a year. This manager is flirty and appears to be into me. He acts a lot like my brother-in-law, who I don't get along with, so I have tried to avoid the situation. I don't want to date anyone who reminds me of my brother-in-law.

This manager complained to a second manager last month about his impression that I don't like him. I need this job because it's one of the few I have found with good health insurance. Now I have to interact with the manager in the hope that he no longer assumes I don't like him, but it's really awkward.

I doubt it would go well if I point out my suspicion that this guy is into me. I suppose he might just be a flirt who hits on lots of girls or someone who doesn't realize they're flirting with their team members. What can I do? -- NEEDS THE JOB IN THE WEST

DEAR NEEDS: There is a middle ground between being openly hostile to this manager and acting like you are interested in him. Be professional, cordial and businesslike. If he makes a move on you or asks to see you outside of business hours, tell him you do not socialize with fellow employees. However, if he continues after that, be sure to document it. Then tell the other manager that you are uncomfortable and that this situation is creating a hostile working environment.

DEAR ABBY: I've been in a relationship with "Blake" for 24 years, and his siblings won't talk to me. They come over, knock on the door, tell Blake they are here and then wait for him to come outside. They say it's because of my cigarette smoke, but I've tried going outside and joining them numerous times.

When I say something, even Blake ignores me, and they move away and start talking again. I asked him why they treat me like I'm not there. He says he has no clue. I have asked him to ask them why they don't talk to me, but he says he always forgets to do it.

My family treats Blake like family. He is accepted and included in everything, even though they don't care for him. Should I feel left out? How can I attempt to solve this? Or should I just give up? It really hurts my feelings. -- NONEXISTENT IN WASHINGTON

DEAR NONEXISTENT: You cannot "solve" the rudeness of Blake's relatives or the fact that the man you love has allowed it to continue for 24 years. (!) You can, however, grow a thicker hide and stop allowing them to get to you.

Blake's family doesn't like you, which I'm sure is reciprocal. Your family doesn't like him either, although they have enough class to tolerate his presence. If I thought there was anything you could do to change the dynamic, I'd gladly share it. But the best I can offer is to forget about wanting to be accepted and keep yourself busy (or absent) during those visits.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 4-year-old daughter. She spends time at her grandma's house and does arts and crafts projects there. When my MIL drops her off, she brings the project to our house.

We enjoy seeing it for a few days, and my daughter plays with it for a few days. Then it gets added to the rest of her toys. I want to give them back to my MIL, but is it polite to send them? They are genuinely cute projects, so I don't want to throw them away, but we have too much stuff here.

This same dilemma arises with birthday and Christmas gifts. My daughter receives nice gifts, but we don't want to keep them at our house, so we've asked my MIL to keep some at her house for when my daughter visits. I think she's offended by the request.

Should we just keep the projects and gifts and eventually throw them away or donate them? Or should we be honest and ask for an alternative? I'm not sure honesty is welcomed in society anymore. Your thoughts are appreciated. -- HONESTLY UNSURE

DEAR UNSURE: If Grandma wanted the toys and art projects at her house, she wouldn't be sending them home with your daughter. I do think a "truth session" is in order. The lead-in should be something like this: "Ethel, honey, we wish you would keep some of our little angel's toys at your place so she can enjoy them while she's visiting you. These things are piling up at our place and we no longer have anywhere to put them. Would you please help us out?"

Then, shut your mouth and see how your MIL responds. If she isn't helpful or receptive, toss the stuff sooner rather than later, and pray it doesn't appreciate in value as your budding artist grows older.

DEAR ABBY: I wonder what I should do about a friend ("Corinne") I knew through high school and who was a bridesmaid in my wedding. Seven years ago, my husband was diagnosed with tongue cancer and had to have a 16-hour surgery plus chemo and radiation. I called Corinne and told her about my husband's cancer and surgery, which was at a hospital three hours from our home. She sounded like she cared and was concerned, but she never called or texted me after that. She just stuck her head in the sand and offered no support while I was going through this major ordeal.

Now, another girlfriend from high school wants me to attend a lunch with her and Corinne. Should I meet them? Or should I disown Corinne as a friend? It still hurts after all these years. -- WOUNDED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WOUNDED: Before "disowning" Corinne for having let you down when you needed her, go to the lunch with your mutual friend and ask her why she disappeared. She may be embarrassed, but it's a fair question. Corrine's absence may have been caused by a terror of cancer and its treatment, which can be so strong that some people are afraid to seek treatment for themselves after they are diagnosed. (Years ago, I lost a wonderful friend because he treated his liver cancer "homeopathically.")